I’ve missed ACE twice. Once was in 2017, during chemo, in my hometown of Philly. I told myself right up until the last minute that I would still go. I did not. This year it was Lyme, and the same thing happened. I planned around it. I told myself I would push through. I did not go this time either.

I got sick this time from a tick, probably picked up while I was out clearing invasive plants from my yard.

Missing it this year felt the same way it did back then. Sure, I missed the sessions and client meetings. But it was the group texts from the show floor. The recap over drinks I was not part of. Watching the team’s photos land in WhatsApp while I sat at home. That kind of FOMO does not care how good your reason is for staying home.

But here’s the truth; the team didn’t miss a beat without me. Three of the four had never set foot at ACE before. Kristen was barely a month into the job and jumped straight into meeting clients face to face, learning more in four days than any onboarding deck could teach her in four months. Kate was there for the same reason she always is, to sit in the room with clients and see what actually resonates instead of guessing from a slide. James planned and ran the editorial meetings for our PR clients start to finish. Mora, a seasoned ACE hand by now, was in her element. And Seth, with 15 years in water already behind him, met with 25 clients, prospects and partners and somehow made it look like one person’s job instead of two.

They broke bread with clients, sat across from people we have known for years and some we just met, and came home closer to each other because of it. I spent the week proud, and, well, a little relieved. Bā did not need me in the room to show up well. That is its own answer to the thing I keep learning the hard way, that this agency was never meant to run on one person holding everything together.

I am quick to tell my team to rest, take the day, protect their energy. I am much slower to take that advice myself. Choosing to stay home and heal instead of showing up half-present was harder than it should be for someone who preaches this constantly.

So that is what I am doing. Resting now, on purpose, so I am fully there for WEFTEC in the fall. Not pushing through and hoping no one notices. If you have been running on empty and calling it commitment, I see you. I am right there with you, still learning to practice what I preach.

–Beth